A Tragi-Comedy of Errors in Too Many Parts

Aaaaaannndddd deep breaths all round. We are finally moved in. For a year- hopefully. And possibly maybe more. Yesterday was insanely busy and I would love to say that I swanned through it with good humour and grace. But that would be an utter lie. I stomped through it like a teenager having a tantrum.

The day started fine with just the hum of background anxiety that’s standard when you have what feels like an awful lot of things to check off your list. We packed up our stuff with relative ease- we’re getting good at this now. Getting out of the flat with three large suitcases, one small one, two backpacks and four tote bags was a bit challenging but then again we’re getting well practiced at rigging ourselves up like mules. We caught a cab to the letting agency to pick up the keys. They were of course faffing around and still not quite ready (I swear I could hear the meter in the taxi ticking…). We got from there to our flat- the cleaner is there (even though we are later than expected and he’d had oh a week to do the cleaning). So we dump our stuff and get out of his way. We send some emails and get some lunch in town, catching the free public Wi-Fi- a reminder that we won’t have Wi-Fi in our flat for a while. We pick up some basics- turns out we need quite a lot of basics- the woman on the till looks at us like we crawled out from under a rock. At this point I’m still able to laugh.

We stagger home with our purchases. The cleaner has gone but the flat smells weird! We send some more emails and do scraps of work- and then decide to go get the bits and pieces we need from Ikea before the store shuts and work this evening when we have what we need in (HA! Such idealists….!). We bus to Ikea and have a wonderful stroll around the store. We check that they do deliveries and then load up with some heavy bits and pieces and EXCITINGLY some awesome bargains from the reduced section (those of you who know my partner will know that we spent more time in the bargain section than in the whole of the rest of Ikea!!). We pay and go to arrange delivery. Turns out they won’t deliver all our stuff, despite what we were told before. They don’t deliver the “little” things (our understandings of little differ somewhat), and they will only deliver our bargain $30 outdoor sofa thing if we pay $25 to wrap it (and then the $49 for delivery). I am starting to feel cross.

Amazing store working reveals an alternative option- we can sign up for GoGet (a kind of car rental thingy) and use one of their vans which is parked at Ikea- brilliant! We don’t have to pay for delivery and we don’t have to pay for wrapping. We sign up. We book our van. We take our stuff to our van, unlock and load. Feeling smug we drive away…. no, no, wait, we don’t. The van won’t start. I call GoGet- I spend an inordinate amount of time on hold (which given that I’m paying $14.00 per hour for the privilege of this van I’m a tad peeved about). The man on the end of the phone tells me the van’s battery is flat and that there are no other vans in our area. Ikea is now closing. We call a taxi company and ask for a big taxi, they won’t take our furniture. GoGet suggests we wait for the NRMA (the equivalent of the AA/RAC), with no other option we do. For nearly an hour. GoGet agrees to extend our booking and refund the cost (my blood pressure decreases). The NRMA quickly jump starts the van and we set off. The van won’t go over 50km, this is fun in a 60km area at commuter time.

We unpack the van, lug everything upstairs with bodies exhausted from hauling stuff around all day… (it feels like all week!). I get in the van to take it back. The battery is dead again. I call GoGet. I am now tired and fed up. Imbecile answers the phone and patronises the sh*t out of me. This is a bad move. Imbecile informs me I must wait for the NRMA again and then take the van back. I flatly refuse- because of this delay I will now miss the last bus back from Ikea. Imbecile says he’s sorry but I must. I refuse and ask to speak to a manager, or even the man I spoke to earlier (who had thanked me for being so patient the first time around). Imbecile informs me that there are no managers on any more, they have all gone home, and so has my previous buddy. I insist I speak to some one else. Imbecile leaves on me on hold for quite a long time (I feel this may be an error but I am TRYING to keep my temper). Imbecile and I eventually come to an agreement whereby I wait for the NRMA and move the car to a spot to be picked up by their fleet operators in the morning.

NRMA jumpstarts the crippled van again and I find a parking spot where it won’t get fined. I call GoGet to tell them where I’ve parked it, as per imbecile’s instructions. Another person answers the phone, I leave a message for imbecile. New person informs me I am responsible for taking the van back to Ikea. I am not sure whether to laugh or cry. It is entirely possible I may explode with frustration at this point. I ask her to pass on the message and say that she needs to get updated on the long and frustrating conversation. Also apparently, NONE of the employees at GoGet can spell our road name. It’s not complicated. Also apparently, I don’t get good signal on my mobile phone in our new flat. Yay for extra fun!

So, you think we’re done?! Oh you fool! Exhausted we stagger into the flat. My darling partner goes out to get milk and a pizza. I start to unpack and unfrizzle the rage at incompetence. Partner returns with milk but without pizza- there are none he wants to eat in the store. We’ll get a take away. We find a takeaway and spend too long deciding what to order- take away is now no longer delivering. It is too far to talk. We look for alternative take-aways to deliver. #error:This is Canberra, things close early! I have now gone through the stages of rage, frustration and despair (because I am a complete drama queen) to feeling b*gger all- which is handy. We stroll into town for some food, I anticipate that all the restaurants will now either be closed or no longer serving- it is 9pm after all this fun and games. Fortunately- there is food. We eat some. We stagger home. Now, there’s time to get on with the work… actually, instead we disintegrate in front of Independence day with a glass of fizz (thank you darling!). (This weekend we will be working!). Christ, don’t make me do that again in a hurry!!

So, in true Shakespearean style will eventually, tortuously, and ludicrously killed off our enemies (imbeciles and mis-information). I just hope the sodding furniture is worth it! Pictures to follow.



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